Judy wrote THIS LOVELY LIL POEM over on her LifeLessons blog. If you haven’t yet, you have to read it before continuing with my followup post here. I asked Judy why she didn’t leave any hints as to how the king slipped into his grave. She offered no clues, but she figured many readers might wonder the same. So, I took it upon myself to research the ancient mythical archives (with the help of a magical potion of rum and cola), and I have managed to piece together the likely scenario. WARNING: Judy’s poem was full of hope. My rant, not so much.
King Donnie (I name him that. I once knew a guy named Donnie. Hated that a’hole.) kept his bastard princes in the castle, but not the bastard princesses. (Yeah, this guy is a real piece of — work.) The daughters ended up in foster homes scattered throughout the kingdom, with a small stipend provided to each foster family by Donnie. Queen Hermione (I name her that. Just love that name and a nod to H. Potter.) kept a silent spying eye on the daughters, providing anonymous assistance when she could.
Most of Donnie’s daughters – half-sisters all – were not aware of the circumstances of their conception, but one was – Andulsa. (I name her that. Just now made it up. For me it conjures up sweetness and strength.) Andulsa grew up seething in rage at her circumstance, at her bio-dad, the king. She refocused her rage into a supremely competitive nature – sport, hunting, chess, dance. (Think Maisie Williams’ amazing turn as Arya Stark on Game of Thrones, but much taller.)
As Andulsa blossomed and prepared to leave home at age 20, she was approached by a confidante of Hermione and presented with the queen’s proposal¹. Would Andulsa agree to be the latest of Donnie’s ladies in waiting, to get close enough to finally quench her just rage? “Yes!”, Andulsa answered, she would, regardless of the consequences to her. The confidante assured her that her consequences would be a lavish reward and either a new identity within the kingdom or safe passage into another realm.
And so it came to pass that Donnie was introduced to Andulsa in his royal bedchamber late one night when Hermione made sure royal security staff were hers alone in her wing across the courtyard.
Accounts of what happened next are varied. Some say Donnie died of a heart attack that night. Others mention an assassin, Ninja perhaps. Some describe a horrific scene the next morning, bloody, with certain of Donnie’s protuberant body parts missing, but many are skeptical, arguing that such a lurid, bloody tale is merely what many would hope to have been. The funeral mass was a spectacle, and the crowning of the new king epic. Hermione, now Queen Mother, was happy for the rest of her long life as her son, the rightful king, ruled wisely, well, and justly, and the kingdom prospered in peace.
And of Andulsa? Some say she fled to an overseas queendom and lived a long happy life. Other later accounts suggest she stayed on as Hermione’s secret assassin, efficiently removing the new king’s enemies.
Wherever she landed, I hope she found her happiness.
¹ UPDATE: Some accounts suggest that the queen’s “confidante” was not working for Hermione at all, but was instead part of a very secret organization whose sole goal was the removal of Donnie from the throne and the living.